Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Henry and the Retarded Ant

By Guest Writer
Mark Donica

Henry was a happy go lucky fellow that had everything he ever wanted, excluding an ant farm. One day he traversed down the main street in the village where he lived and found a pet shack. Unlike a pet shop, a pet shack has a worse budget for obtaining animals. As luck would have it, the pet shack owner Marty had just received a shipment that had indeed included an ant farm. So Henry, happy as school girl, ran home to enjoy his new pets. When he got home, he took the ant farm out of the box and exclaimed, “MERCY ME! THERE IS ONLY BUT ONE ANT IN THIS ENCAMPMENT FOR ANTS!” The one ant that was in the farm exclaimed “YAY!” in a deep, baritone voice. “Gasp!” said the man called Henry, “This ant has the ability to create speech patterns implying the he in fact shares a common physical trait with all mankind known as the vocality chords!” There was a pause.

The ant then rocketed out of the “farm” and began to eat everything in sight! Henry's collection of faded baseketball cards were now moving quickly down the esophagus, assuming that this ant in fact shared another common trait with all of mankind, but this time instead of vocality chords it was in fact having an esophagus, followed soon by his collection of grody, old maraschino cherries from bars that he had picked up on his travels.

Poor Henry, he had no idea that this was what would result from taking in a lone, retarded ant. If only he had thought through what was real, everything he could have wanted would be. Then it struck him. The ant that is! The ant rammed into his face and knocked Henry down. Sadly, the ant had remained on the face of Henry. In all of his inner monologue, Henry forgot to keep an eye on the ant. His village was all missing, including the people. He looked at the ant as it said “I wuv you Henwy!” All was forgiven and they lived happily ever after the end.


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